The real reason your not in a relationship…..

So …… time for some tough love ! If your not ready for that I suggest you stop reading…..NOW….. you are not going to like what I have to say! It’s ok because anything I have to say or do for you I have done for myself, its not going to kill you, it may hurt a little. A bit like squeezing through the eye of a needle but you will survive!

On my own journey into personal development, my soul and my purpose I am constantly assessing and reassessing where I am at. I have made some mistakes and I have learnt some really tough lessons along the way, in relationships, in career and finance, in life, in death and transition. It’s not always easy but it is rewarding.

One thing I have noticed along the way is the agony and the heartache that people put themselves through about relationships. And I say “put themselves through” because there is this constant reflex that we have as humans that has us believe that other people, or circumstances are in fact in control of us. We agonise about “why” we haven’t found our perfect partner, “what’s wrong” with the one we’ve got!, why are there just no “good men/women out there”……. and on and on.

Let me tell you right now the real reason your not in a relationship……. are you ready? I’m not entirely sure you are because when I am out there talking to my friends and peers and clients I don’t get much “I’m ready for the truth” – type invites!!! God knows how many times I’ve said I’m ready to heart the truth them promptly physically flinched on cue when i heard it! Oh well! HERE GOES ….. your not IN a relationship because your not ready for one, you don’t invite one in because your not inviting…… you are single because right now, in your life, it’s about all you can handle.

Ok…… so……. are you still with me ? I really hope so because I know that’s not what you wanted to hear but it’s the truth. We get so frickin’ hung up on “what if” sometimes that we totally forget the “what’s so”.

“What if men just understood how to treat women better?”

“What if I was 5 kilos lighter?”

“What if I didn’t work so hard and I had more time to go out and meet people”

“What if I were younger?”

“What if dating wasn’t so damn hard at my age?”

………………. You get the picture right? and don’t worry I have probably said or thought one or any of those at some point in my life. There’s no judgement here. believe me!! I have spent years of my life being single, a couple being totally celibate and a hermit, several more in dysfunctional relationships I wished would work so I didn’t have to be single again, and blah blah blah.

What I didn’t get during those years very often was that it was simply the “what’s so” of my life. E.g I am single, the fact that I am single is just “What’s so”. There is no room for someone else in my life right now because if there were, they would be there and that would be the “What’s so”.

Are you following me still? I hope so because I want to take you right into the heart of this, right into the crux of how to live a Wholehearted path no matter what..(‘s so).

Get me? I hope so because this is you. Everything that strikes a chord, every word that connects you to your history, or experiences, it’s a mirror, a reflection of you. The whole world is a reflection of you because you created it that way. Are you ready to take that kind of a responsibility for your life? are you ready to really get to work on creating what you truly want not just what you say you want? ( And believe me I am talking to myself here too!!)

Ok let’s get to work then!

“scuse me! Work ? ” you say.

“I have to go to work……. for a relationship? A relationship will come to me because the time is right”.

“A relationship will appear when I fall in love with the right person, you can’t work at that”.

Ah , yes you do. Sorry to burst your bubble. In fact I’m not sorry at all. You just do. If you want to that is. And if your happy and content with you life as it is, your family , your friends, your job, your business, your hobbies and spiritual practices…….. well then, you don’t. Ok ?

As humans we are very fickle creatures, we will work hard for a Business, we will work hard at a job, we will work hard on a goal or dream like writing a book or running a marathon. And yet we won’t work for a relationship. No, no, THAT should just land in our lap, that should just flow beautifully and naturally into our lives when the planets are aligned. ( Once again , kinda making a little bit of fun of myself here too people so please stick with me!).

So how do you do this ?

Well, you ‘ve got to know that what your putting out there is exactly what you are getting back…….EXACTLY…..ouch!

You have to know that you WILL create exactly what you think about and feel about and vibrate about. So you think that all the good men are gone, guess what? Every female you meet will have one of them…….and you won’t…….period.

It’s vital to get that the less appreciative you are of what IS so in your life right now, the less chance you have of creating what you SAY you want in your future.

It’s imperative that you know that the amount of time you spend “working” at the relationship you want is exactly relative to the quality of the relationship coming right back at ya!!

Hmmm… something to think about?

It really is that simple. It’s a truest truth as I call it. And I have lived through many many aspects of this knowing and learning and wanting and creating of relationships. I can help you. I am walking my talk here people and it’s no coincidence that the stats on my blog tell me that more people are interested in finding out how to create the relationship of their dreams than anything else.

So here’s what we do. You reread this blog for me. You comment in the comments box below. And then I will do another post in the next couple of days.

Love to you all


3 responses to “The real reason your not in a relationship…..”

  1. […] have to clean up with you all. I wrote a blog post last week called The real reason your not in a relationship and I said that I would write a follow up post in the next couple of days and I didn’t. And I […]

  2. Sonia says:

    Don’t be disheartened when I don’t get back to you on your blog, it isn’t for a minute that I think contrary to what you’re saying. The reason I think that I am and have been in a very long relationship is that maintaining the partnership can be consuming, especially when I extend that time and love to the relationships that we’ve made- our children. I say consuming, I should add ETERNALLY REWARDING. So ‘I totes ‘gree’ you have to be ready, accepting of who and where you are, and open to accept and acknowledge someone else for who they are, despite the differences.
    Hah I laugh, I remember the time we went out to the Bowery with Kel and Rochelle and that nice chap up from Sydney was talking you up and you were so cold, icy even that I found myself covering up for what was or wasn’t coming out of your mouth…..what a transformation hey !!
    Love you !

  3. Elissa Lippett says:

    Interesting and thought provoking article Lisa.
    From my own personal experiences I think the context you have of the opposite sex is important to get really honest about as that can hold you back. I am also a believer in having healing of any past relationship hurts so they don’t cloud your experiences in relationships now.
    I’d love to know your thoughts.

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